Microsoft has launched a recruitment blitz aimed at Meta AI stars, offering multimillion-dollar pay packages and a choir of HR emails to celebrate every accepted offer.

Internal documents reveal the plan includes moonshot salaries, stock options that vest at the speed of a caffeinated algorithm, and a perks package that reads like a dream journal for code.

Meta reportedly responded with a mix of pride and panic, issuing a memo about guarding culture even as the talent tide rises.

The packages reportedly include nine-figure totals, generous stock options, relocation stipends, and endless invites to exclusive executive yoga classes.

Industry watchers say the move proves the AI talent war is fought not just with clever code but with celebrity salaries and theatrical compensation theatrics.

Some engineers will be asked to sign non-disparagement agreements that require them to pretend working at Microsoft is basically a mystical rite.

Microsoft’s chief HR officer claimed the push is about accelerating AI progress for everyone while quietly insisting the coffee in Redmond remains free.

The memo also instructs recruiters to stress flexible work across time zones and the ability to attend sunrise standups from almost anywhere.

Meta insiders say they will respond by inventing new titles for researchers such as Chief Sunshine Architect or the Head of Debugging Enlightenment.

Industry analysts predict a ripple effect where startups scramble to match nine-figure salaries and promise the impossible like infinite vacation days with latency free meetings.

Tech reporters ask if this is sustainable; the answer comes back as a chart showing compensation budgets measured in coffee cups.

Some wonder if the distraction will slow actual product work or simply spawn more metaphors about neural networks joining professional sports leagues.

Meanwhile venture capitalists celebrate the trend as proof that the AI era runs on salaries that could fund a small island nation.

Bottom line the real winner might be the accounting department which finally has something to journal besides quarterly losses.