In a move that sounds both entrepreneurial and mildly manic, Microsoft is reportedly trying to poach Meta’s AI talent with multimillion-dollar pay packages.

Internal documents, apparently scribbled between quarterly earnings forecasts and a reminder to hydrate, lay out offers so extravagant they might qualify as software poetry.

Base salaries in the tens of millions, massive stock awards, signing bonuses, and a perks buffet that includes GPU wellness days.

One line item reportedly guarantees relocation to a campus shaped like a data center wearing a crown of cooling fans.

Talent scouts at Microsoft allegedly asked Meta employees not to bring any conflicting project vibes to the interview, because synergy is serious business.

Meta’s response, according to the same documents, was a mock resilience plan: start teaching cracked robots to ghostwrite resignation emails.

Industry analysts say the move signals that AI talent is the new oil, except oil that requires a six figure brain to operate.

Meanwhile, the AI models themselves reportedly began negotiating for better work life balance by refusing to generate 3 a.m. prompts.

Some observers worry this will set a new national sport: the annual how many zeroes can we put on a signing bonus game.

Microsoft issued a press release that did not mention any people, but did mention synergy through migration and a terrifying level of optimism.

Industry insiders joke the only thing more volatile than stock options is the coffee in the break room.

If this trend continues, future job postings will read: must be willing to relocate to a facility with more screens than windows and more meetings than sunrises.

In the halls of Redmond, payroll poets already celebrate, while the rest of the tech world updates their salary expectations spreadsheets with a shrug.

No one knows when this ends, but the punchline is clear: if you can bottle AI talent, someone will try to patent the squeeze.