The S&P 500 reached a record so high it needs supplemental oxygen and a sherpa with a Bloomberg terminal. Wall Street celebrated by declaring gravity transitory and price-to-reality ratios purely decorative.

The spark: Nvidia’s results, which arrived less like earnings and more like a halftime show sponsored by thunder. Revenue numbers marched in wearing capes, and guidance did a backflip through a ring of fire.

Algorithms hummed spirituals. Traders developed a sudden interest in thermodynamics and sainthood for the humble heat sink. The AI rally stopped being a rally and started being a full-contact faith tradition with optional tithing via options premiums.

Executives praised “unprecedented demand” with the modesty of a supernova. One CFO said, “We don’t want to overpromise,” then unveiled a forecast shaped like a hockey stick wielding another hockey stick.

Retail investors, sensing destiny, tried to dollar-cost-average into enlightenment. Carts filled with liquid-cooled gaming GPU for machine learning, as if salvation ships in two days with free returns.

Valuation models were revised to include vibes, sparkle, and the sound a data center makes when it purrs. Price targets are now written in all caps and measured in acres of semiconductor-grade cleanroom.

The Federal Reserve attempted composure, but even bond yields leaned forward like they’re binge-watching. Economists replaced productivity with “AI will do it,” a project plan currently consisting of a Post-it that says “Believe.”

On the sell side, analysts fired up their most optimistic spreadsheets and toggled the “laws of physics” cell to Optional. Someone emailed a DCF spreadsheet template with optimism slider, and the slider snapped off at Euphoria.

Veterans compared this to tulips, dot-coms, and that one summer of Beanie Babies, then bought calls because those didn’t have tensor cores. History may not repeat, but it is definitely learning prompt engineering.

Elsewhere, companies added “AI” to toothpaste, lawn darts, and municipal bonds. One chain rebranded its staplers as “neural fasteners” and achieved unicorn status before lunch, proof that synergy is just caffeine with buzzwords.

As for me, I listened to the earnings call like a therapist who bills by the comma. The “adjusted” numbers arrived wearing disguises, but the laughter track was real and paid in restricted stock units.

The market now rests on GPU-shaped buttresses strong enough to hold up a cathedral made of FOMO. If anything wobbles, don’t panic; it’s just the foundation learning to “self-correct”—which on Wall Street means blaming the sherpa.