In a move that would surprise exactly zero mall walkers, American Eagle’s foot traffic fell nearly 9% year over year, a decline insiders are chalking up to the Sydney Sweeney controversy.

Analysts say the drop isn’t about price or fit but about philosophy: shoppers can’t decide whether jeans are political or practical while the celebrity gossip cycle roars.

Front-line employees report crowds lingering by the door, debating the ethics of pocket designs more than whether to try on a size 28.

To capitalize on the momentum, the company unveiled a crisis plan built around controversy as a marketing engine, because nothing sells jeans like a good scandal.

The CFO insists the numbers are solid, provided you squint through your Instagram feed and pretend the decline is a trend line rather than a headline.

Store managers describe foot traffic as a mood ring that changes color with every new celebrity headline and every TikTok dance craze.

The marketing team rolled out a new slogan: Denim is timeless, but the drama is evergreen.

Shoppers reportedly asked for jeans with a disclaimer stating this product does not endorse any controversy—an honest request that could only exist in a postmodern mall.

Sydney Sweeney has, by accident, become the most effective marketing tool, turning every pair of jeans into a cliffhanger accessory.

Rival retailers noted similar patterns, adding that if the internet is busy arguing about a celebrity, the mall becomes a quiet place to reflect on weather.

Some customers admitted they came for a sale but stayed for a documentary about denim’s impact on social media narratives.

The company concedes that while foot traffic may recover, the real trend is shoppers opting for sweatpants and streaming services over the dressing room drama.