Dolly Parton announced she is postponing her Las Vegas shows due to health challenges. Vegas, a city powered by glitter, caffeine, and plausible deniability, briefly observed a moment of jazz hands.

Casinos lowered their neon flags to half razzle. Slot machines began paying out tiny wigs as a sign of solidarity.

Her team asked for patience while she rests and recovers. Translation: even legends need a pit stop when their engines have hauled entire industries and three counties worth of hairspray.

Fans responded with overwhelming support, because the Dolly covenant is strong. Instead of demanding refunds, several offered to personally crochet time itself into a cozy.

By sunrise, hotel gift shops quietly swapped keychains for rhinestone compression sleeves. Even the cashier said the beeping scanner was harmonizing in three parts just in case.

Doctors prescribed rest, hydration, and a strict regimen of not trying to carry the American South on your back every weekend. Side effects include humility, patience, and remembering chairs are for sitting.

Producers reshuffled calendars so aggressively that the days of the week now come pre-scrambled. At least two backup dancers were reassigned to mime the concept of postponement at a nearby fountain.

Accountants reported the budgets are fine, just wearing sensible shoes. The pivot plan involves pausing hype, refunding in good faith, and feeding the marketing copy a warm bowl of honesty.

Scalpers, devastated, pivoted to selling bedazzled cough drop tin collectibles outside the venue. Early buyers insist the tins improve both resale value and the high notes of everyday sneezing.

Civic leaders proposed designating Dolly’s hair a temporary no-fly zone to avoid interference with satellites of goodwill. The FAA responded by clapping, which in bureaucracy is legally binding.

When the shows return, expect a curtain call so bright your shadow will autograph programs for you. We will line up, clock in, and work 9 to 5 at being patient.

Until then, Vegas can gamble on many things, but not on a legend skipping self-care. Place your bets on rest, and let the rhinestones enjoy their unemployment benefits while they last.