In the latest dispatch from the Ministry of Vibes and Forecasting, experts declared that Millie Bobby Brown, 21, could inspire Gen Z and millennials to adopt. The statement arrived wearing a lab coat and zero specifics.

What to adopt remains gloriously unspecified. Children, pets, houseplants, abandoned streaming platforms, or that lone sock democracy keeps losing in the dryer — all candidates are being measured with rulers made entirely of vibes.

A panel of demographers, brand whisperers, and a cat that predicts trends by sitting on spreadsheets concluded adoption is imminent after consulting ring lights, tea leaves, and an algorithm trained on red carpet photos and baby name SEO. Their margin of error is a stroller and a half.

Young adults reacted by opening their banking apps, seeing $7.14 and three reward points, and wondering if agencies accept exposure, vibes, or an immaculate credit score that exists only on a vision board. Landlords responded by inventing a new surcharge called the tiny human occupancy suggestion fee.

Corporations pounced like raccoons at a picnic. Beverage brands introduced infant-sized sippy flutes, while a cereal announced a limited-time flavor called Adult Decision O’s that tastes like paperwork and optimism.

Searches for modular nursery-in-a-box spiked 900 percent, including among people who do not currently own a room. Influencers posted unboxings where they assembled a cradle, a budget, and a personality before cutting to an ad for a luxury nap.

Think pieces declared adoption the new drop, complete with waitlists, velvet ropes, and a captcha that asks you to identify all images containing a sense of responsibility. Government agencies rolled their eyes so hard they created wind power and gently reminded everyone that hype is not a legal document.

Boomers weighed in from the porch, claiming they adopted three mortgages at nineteen and a station wagon on layaway. Meanwhile, sales of foldable urban stroller surged among people whose commute is entirely within their studio apartment.

One 24-year-old early adopter said they adopted a plot twist because a child felt too linear this quarter. They swaddled a succulent, named it Baby Try-Your-Best, and read it picture books about boundaries and watering schedules.

Child welfare advocates begged the internet to treat adoption like, you know, adoption — a serious, structured, life-shaping process — not a viral chore chart. They suggested consulting licensed professionals, not a horoscope written by an algorithm with cheekbones.

For her part, Millie reportedly continued filming, hydrating responsibly, and declining the role of Mother Of The Entire Internet. Sources close to common sense say she prefers fans adopt patience, pets from shelters, and a hobby that is not predicting other people’s wombs.

Experts closed the press conference by clarifying that adopt could also mean adopt a local school, a cause, or a schedule that includes lunch. Then they predicted a final, shocking trend: audiences adopting a long, restorative nap. Margin of error: adopt-ish.