The two-episode recap of Alien: Earth opens not with lasers but with a parking-lot handshake that lasts longer than most treaties.

Gross Encounters, as the title promises, treats first contact like a reality show audition where humanity’s best and worst manners are filmed in glorious high-def humiliation.

The aliens step off their ship and into a world where street vendors, selfie sticks, and a city mascot demand attention all at once, because we apparently booked an interstellar welcome committee and a pep rally.

The ceremonial donut makes its debut as Earth’s peace offering, and the aliens accept with a kindness suggesting they majored in glucose diplomacy.

Toilet paper becomes a running joke as Earth hospitality hinges on the exact angle of a toilet seat and the speed at which coupons expire.

Waste management moves from a minor subplot to full-blown asteroid-level chaos, as plastics drift through streets and somehow become part of interstellar etiquette.

Bureaucracy plays a supporting role: every handshake comes with a waiver, a QR code, and a terms of service that no one reads.

Translator apps misfire hilariously, turning ‘we come in peace’ into ‘we come for your snack stash,’ prompting the aliens to take notes on human snack economies.

Social media dominates the scene as Earthlings vie for interstellar fame by inventing etiquette trends and gravity-defying selfies.

Diplomacy feels like online dating—every treaty clause is a profile question, and the first date ends with a polite retreat to separate starships.

The aliens reveal they collect data for science, just as humans collect coffee mugs and memes, and the occasional moment of genuine curiosity.

In a kitchen scene, noodles become existential theater as translators loop on whether to call it soup or abstract geometry.

The recap argues Earth is chaotic but charming, a planet where diplomacy is messy but jokes land more often than not.

If Episode 2 is anything to go by, the real first contact might be with the cleaning staff, who will need a new flag for this mission: Be Nice, Also Turn Off the Vacuum.