In a press conference that sounded more like a corporate retreat than a football briefing, Chiefs coach Andy Reid declared that noise is optional and winners are mandatory.

Asked how he blocks out the chatter after a big win, Reid unveiled a new policy: every staffer gets a personalized ‘silence mode’ button and a motivational playlist labeled ‘Minimal Talking, Maximum Winning.’

The team also rolled out a device they described as a ‘Decibel-ometer’ that glows green for triumph and turns red whenever a heckler sneaks in a question.

Players reportedly received ‘Winners Only’ lanyards–no smirking allowed–while the coaching staff wore earplugs engraved with the motto, ‘If you hear it, you didn’t win yet.’

When a reporter dared to ask about next season, Reid responded with this: ‘We don’t listen to the noise; we count wins, and we count them louder than a stadium full of empty seats.’

The Chiefs social media team unveiled a new merch line: t-shirts with the slogan ‘Noise is for practice squads.’

Analysts note the policy reads like a morale-boosting startup handbook, but admit the results–three straight playoff appearances–speak louder than any crowd noise.

Local baristas reported business boomed as fans began ordering ‘decibel-free lattes’ to match the mood in advance of any big game.

Opponents reportedly asked for a copy of the policy, which the Chiefs politely refused, citing ‘confidential decibel retention’ and a strong preference for silence during film study.

During open practice, players wore earmuffs shaped like miniature helmets; fans cheered while the sound guy played a single, solemn bell to demonstrate restraint.

A rival coach offered a ‘live mic policy’ that would let players hear the crowd, but Reid dismissed it as ‘noise you can’t scrub out with a napkin.’

The NFL’s audio feed reportedly switched to ‘staticky silence mode’ for the duration of the season, a setting the league described as ‘extremely boring, in a good way.’

Some analysts warned the approach could backfire if opponents learn to win while remaining perfectly quiet, turning silence into a strategic weapon.

If the wins keep coming, Reid hints, the next press conference might be called ‘Season of Sound Proof’–and the only open question will be whether the room is soundproofed or just really, really confident.