In a move that sounds as bureaucratic as it is relatable, U.S. sprinter Fred Kerley has been provisionally suspended for a whereabouts failure.

The sanction comes after anti-doping authorities said Kerley failed to provide timely, precise locations for testing, which is apparently less dramatic than a power clean and more tedious than a treadmill.

Kerley, known for sprinting at speeds that make clocks nervous, reportedly claimed his calendar is so crowded with world records, autograph requests, and coffee runs that he simply misplaced the date.

World athletics officials insisted the rulebook reads like a polite parent: if you cannot be found, you cannot be tested, and if you cannot be tested, you cannot compete for a while.

The provisional suspension is described as a whereabouts failure, a modern shorthand for I forgot to tell you where I am, coach.

Kerley will likely survive on a diet of public apologies and a calendar that finally agrees to do its job.

Fans reacted with a mix of sympathy and sarcasm, tweeting that sprinting requires more precise planning than a group text about brunch.

Analysts noted that even elite athletes are being judged by their ability to file location reports on time, a trend visible even to the most speed focused among us.

The incident has sparked speculation about whether the track world needs a Waldo edition of the anti-doping form.

Kerley reportedly told reporters he was just trying to stay fast and not become a calendar late bloomer.

Opponents are quietly enjoying the distraction as a reminder that sprinting is partly science, partly bureaucratic scavenger hunt.

Coaches are rumored to be drafting a new training regimen that gives athletes time to file forms without sacrificing gym time.

If nothing else, the event has given treadmill enthusiasts something to discuss besides incline settings and belt friction.

Until further notice, the track will resemble a courtroom of checkboxes and Kerley will be the defendant who cannot be found—except, of course, in every highlight reel that matters.