From a sideline vantage and a historian’s patience, I can confirm that Jaxson Dart’s first start turned Mike Kafka from stoic play-caller into a confetti cannon wearing khakis. The headset trembled, the laminated cards glowed, and somewhere a tight end learned what a seam route is in the wild.

Kafka did not so much analyze the tape as court it with poetry and a candle made of ground-up playbooks. He brought a laser pointer to the press conference like a substitute teacher about to reinvent trigonometry with slants and flat routes.

MetLife sounded like the air conditioner finally worked in August, and that was before Dart completed a pass longer than the line for the bathrooms. The scoreboard briefly asked if the franchise had tried turning itself off and back on again.

The Giants quarterback saga used to be a choose-your-own-adventure where every option ended with a heroic checkdown to a running back named Destiny. Last night, the adventure contained a plot twist called Throw Ball Downfield And See Feelings Emerge.

Kafka flipped his Giants quarterback wrist coach band so enthusiastically it filed a flight plan over New Jersey. He looked at Dart the way an artisan looks at a sourdough starter that actually burped on schedule.

Dart’s passes arrived like well-educated pigeons who paid for their own tolls on the Turnpike. One throw carved so much airspace the FAA sent a thank-you fruit basket and a zone blitz.

Analytics people rushed to declare the Era of Vibes-Based Offense, citing EPA per Nostalgia and QBR per Goosebumps. By halftime, several fans had googled Jaxson Dart stitched Giants jersey and accidentally adopted a golden retriever named Play Action.

The coaching tree rustled with possibility, which is what coaching trees do when the cap sheet whispers we can afford hope until Wednesday. Kafka threaded motions through shifts like a grad student who discovered the vending machine takes philosophy.

Asked about the excitement, Kafka said he enjoyed throwing the ball forward, which remains legal in our current reality. He praised Dart’s command, poise, and ability to look like a calm submarine captain during a depth-charge sale.

Not to be outdone, the football demanded a renegotiation after being caught in stride at a speed normally reserved for rumors. A flock of seagulls took post routes and filed for union recognition under the Coastal Aerial Threat Workers Act.

Of course, we have seen August turn into autumn like a highlight turn into a hold. The film is a cruel librarian, and next week it will levy late fees on anything mislabeled Future.

But for one start, time flinched, Kafka smiled like a man who found the good pen, and the wristband hovered over New Jersey like prophecy. Time still wants receipts, but Kafka says he’s got them, stapled to a parade route and signed by a quarterback who finally threw the ball where the hope lives.