In a move that would make a gold rush blush, Apple slashed the M4 MacBook Pro price to an all-time low, proving that even premium laptops want to be forgiven for their mortgage-level sticker price.

Analysts say the cut is so dramatic it could revive budgeting as a sport, a practice that predates emojis and probably predates the invention of interest rates.

Apple describes the M4 as a value proposition, which is corporate-speak for we hope you won’t notice the compromise on your ability to retire peacefully.

Crowds gathered outside stores and in the campus quad, where baristas offered free espresso shots to anyone willing to sign up for a 24-month financing plan.

Students and freelancers now treat the purchase as a rite of passage, lining up to prove that a laptop can be both a status symbol and a debt instrument.

The M4’s heft exists mostly in the collective imagination; the machine is rumored to weigh less than your monthly rent—assuming your rent is paid in helium and optimism.

The device’s weight remains a topic of folklore, rumored to be something like lighter than a commitment while still giving you a warranty you won’t fully read.

Battery life is marketed as all day — provided all day means two Zoom calls, one spreadsheet, and a nap between tasks.

Apple insists the sale is part of a broader strategy to remind consumers that premium gear exists—it’s just not the kind you can fully justify with your current salary.

Retailers are offering the M4 in more colors than there are excuses for buying it, because nothing says fiscal responsibility like a lavender chassis paired with a five figure debt.

Tech reviewers note the camera is adequate for LinkedIn headshots and the keyboard’s tactile feedback is enough to pretend you care about ergonomics.

If the price drop isn’t enough, Apple is rumored to include a complimentary sense of optimism with each purchase—a perk that vanishes when you realize the student loan hasn’t evaporated.

Bottom line: upgrade your workspace, dampen your existential dread, and let the M4 MacBook Pro at this price be your buy now, cry later emblem for 2025.