In a bold new benchmark, Intel processors in Korea are now scoring record highs in Cost Per Socket, a metric previously only used by luxury yachts and bottled water. The chips didn’t get faster; your money just started traveling at light speed in the opposite direction.

Alder Lake and Raptor Lake/Refresh reportedly woke up, looked at the exchange rate, and decided to role-play as rare truffles. Retailers call it a ‘refresh’ because the only thing updating hourly is the price tag’s altitude.

Store clerks have begun applying thermal paste to the price labels, insisting the numbers were throttling under load. Shoppers say the tags are so hot you need anti-static oven mitts to flip them over and weep at the barcodes.

Local PC cafés have installed surge protectors for feelings. Gamers are downgrading their RGB to grayscale and telling the squad, ‘Don’t worry, my frames are trapped behind a paywall.’

Across online forums, frantic builders are praying to the search gods with queries like i5-12400F price Korea, as if typing it more politely will trigger a coupon. The only promo code that works is SELF-DELUSION-10.

A black market has formed where enthusiasts whisper SKU numbers like spy codenames. Somewhere in a parking garage, a man in a trench coat hisses, ‘It’s unlocked… and so am I from financial stability.’

Economists have introduced a new inflation measure called Cores Per Income, or CPI (sorry, other CPI). Under the new index, an eight-core family has been downgraded to dual-core dinners and single-threaded vacations.

Meanwhile, spreadsheet commandos are optimizing their hope with i7-13700K Korean retail, only to discover the only thing bundled is an existential crisis. Box includes: processor, manual, sticker, and the sensation of a BIOS beeping from your bank app.

Intel issued a statement explaining ‘market dynamics’ using a PowerPoint that starts with an apology and ends with a victory lap. The company clarified that ‘suggested retail price’ is a suggestion in the same way ‘drink water’ is a suggestion to fish.

Competitors responded with their own drama. AMD offered a limited-time deal where the MSRP stays put until you blink, while Apple announced a laptop that renders inflation so smoothly you won’t notice you’re broke at 120Hz.

DIYers have begun exhuming Sandy Bridge rigs like archaeologists, brushing off dust to reveal ‘Made when prices had chill.’ Some are undervolting their rent and delidding their budget, which voids warranty and also adulthood.

The Korean won is reportedly petitioning for a microarchitecture upgrade to keep up, preferably with better cash-to-cache latency. Until then, these chips don’t just run hot; they run expensive—finally proving that the real bottleneck was your paycheck all along, which cannot be overclocked, refreshed, or bundled with a cooler.