NASA on Friday unveiled a sweeping contractor Reduction in Force plan, a budget move so bold it could be mistaken for a space launch.

Officials described the initiative as ‘phased and data-driven,’ a phrase that sounds impressive until you realize the data come from last quarter’s burn-rate spreadsheet.

The plan targets non-core vendor roles and a few positions billed as ‘mission-support’—the euphemism NASA uses when it wants to keep the lights on and the layoffs off the memo.

Contractors were told to brace for a ‘soft landing’ overseen by HR, a phrase that would inspire comfort if you didn’t know you were about to be priced out of your own cubicle.

An anonymous contractor described the briefing as ‘the most polite purge in human history,’ followed by a long slide about ‘transition opportunities in procurement adjacent to space law.’

Analysts estimate the savings will be redirected to high-priority investments like upgrading the launch countdown clock’s LEDs and a new ‘Moon Meme Initiative’ to keep morale light while the payroll thins.

The plan includes voluntary separation programs and a staged exit; NASA says it’s about ‘resource optimization,’ which is bureaucrat for ‘less people, same emails.’

Experts warn that a slimmer contractor workforce could hamper rapid response if something unexpected pops up in space, like a meteor shower or a misrouted shipment of coffee.

Spokespeople insist morale remains high and that no one is ‘being left on the launch pad’ for good, which is the kind of reassurance that only NASA can love.

Capitol Hill observers say they’ll be watching closely, especially the part where ‘data-driven’ means ‘we found a number in Excel, so we used it.’

Meanwhile, the Moon continues its quiet orbit, probably grateful for the extra space on NASA’s budget calendar.

In the end, NASA promises a future where leaner means meaner in efficiency, even as the universe continues to expand while the contractor roster contracts.

The article closes with the reminder that in space, as in HR, gravity matters; the only thing heavier than a fuel load is the spreadsheet.