Canada’s prime minister Carney declared the phone call with President Trump ‘productive,’ a phrase that now earns its own complimentary coffee. Citizens were told to expect a seamless trade future, or at least a new set of talking points for the family dinner.

Analysts, who had just finished digesting the last press release, described the call as a ‘calm sprint’ toward a consensus that keeps moving the goalposts. In Ottawa, the weather turned negotiator-friendly, which is to say it didn’t snow on the tariff charts.

Trump, apparently fluent in chaos, tweeted that the discussion touched on tariffs, dairy quotas, and the eternal question: who’s more American than the other.

Officials insisted there were ‘solid, productive’ exchanges, and that both sides agreed to continue conversations. The White House press pool recorded each sentence with the gravity of a weather forecast.

Back home, ordinary Canadians shrugged as if the maple leaf were still a universal solvent. Grocery prices may have risen, but at least the conversation had a stylish cadence.

Quebec’s coffee shops brewed extra-strong versions of ‘tariff’ as a rumored code word for ‘we’re pretending to be optimistic’.

Observers noted that ‘productive’ is now the preferred buzzword of the year, surpassing ‘synergy’ and ‘bolthole’.

Meanwhile, politicians practiced careful smiles for the next press conference, a skill that pays dividends in sunlit hallways and dimly lit trade rooms.

White-collar diplomats returned to their desks and opened a new email chain that looked important but probably was just a reminder about lunch.

Some aides admitted that the call’s only certainty was who would speak next and in which currency the jokes would be measured.

To translate vibes into numbers, the delegation briefly consulted a ‘digital tariff calculator’ that supposedly glowed with the seriousness of a thermostat. It emitted a soft hum whenever a tariff line shifted, which is to say nothing actually shifted, except the mood.

Economists guessed that if you squint hard enough, the productive call looks like a masterclass in diplomacy-by-PowerPoint.

Traders watched the call’s ripple effects as if they were on a submarine cinema screen, waiting for the dramatic tilt that usually signals a new chapter in global commerce.

Officials joked they might need a ‘portable trade translator’ to interpret the briefing, or at least a second cup of coffee to hear the words over the elevator music.

When asked for specifics, Carney offered a version of specificity that included broad strokes, bullet points, and a lullaby about cooperation.

Trump’s demeanor suggested he believed tariffs were only halfway there, like a half-cooked pancake that still pretends to be a policy.

Opposition leaders in Canada reacted with mock seriousness, reminding voters that a call is not a treaty, and a treaty is not a pizza, but both taste better with extra cheese.

Social media reacted with memes that depicted Carney balancing a tariff scale on a maple leaf while Elon Musk tweeted in a comedic font.

News desks around the world tried to package the call into a headline that could be read on a subway ride, probably while standing in line for a latte.

Foreign trade watchers shrugged and noted that a productive call can coincide with a nothing sandwich—generally healthy but not nourishing.

Meanwhile, Ottawa stock tickers pretended they understood what was happening, which is a common privacy policy in financial markets.

By sunset, the story had become a comforting parable: conversation counts, even when the outcome is exactly as edible as a maple-flavored budget.