In a move that sounds like a geopolitical plot twist written during a coffee break, Zelenskyy claimed Putin wants the rest of Ukraine’s Donetsk region folded into any ceasefire.

The terms, Zelenskyy suggested, would turn a routine armistice into a deluxe map update, complete with extra territory unlocked like in a video game.

Analysts say Putin’s demand reads like a strategy manual for turning peace talks into a real estate pitch.

Negotiators reportedly debated whether ‘Donetsk’ should appear on the title page of the agreement or be tucked into the footnotes as a cheeky reminder to check the map.

Aides described the room as smelling faintly of coffee and border lines, a combination that loosens even the most stubborn borders.

Cartographers were spotted doodling new lines with highlighters, as if color-coding borders could somehow stabilize old disputes.

Some diplomats mused aloud about adding a clause that ensures the ceasefire comes with a permanent pause on border changes, if only to satisfy the mapmakers in the room.

News outlets turned the saga into a countdown, each minute adding another slice of Donetsk to the ceasefire pizza in online graphs.

Public reaction ranged from ‘do we get a discount if Donetsk is included?’ to ‘finally, a map update I can understand without a PhD in geopolitics.’

Meanwhile, the rest of the world watched and tried not to drop their coffee, because the only thing more volatile than geopolitics is a deadline that keeps getting moved.

Cartoonists drafted panels showing Donetsk swelling on a world map like a silly sticker on a weather app, because every war needs a dramatic overlay.

The international community responded with careful bemusement, asking whether there is a legal path to ordering a pizza with extra territory.

Observers noted a common thread: peace talks are increasingly resembling a streaming series with cliffhangers, sponsors, and a surprisingly persistent villain named ‘maps.’

Ultimately, experts cautioned that even the best plot twists can’t turn a ceasefire into a souvenir shop, but viewers will still tune in for the ratings.