In a move that reads like a peace talks bingo card rewritten by a late-night snack enthusiast, a senior Hamas official told Trump that they’re ready to make a fair deal—so long as the negotiations come with a snack menu and a clear timetable for nap breaks.

The offer, announced in a press conference held over a pizza box and a beleaguered bottle of water, immediately turned the international stage into a bake sale of geopolitical optimism and questionable pepperoni metaphors.

Analysts say the ‘fair deal’ language sounded suspiciously like a tongue-in-cheek goodwill card more suitable for a cubicle birthday party than high-stakes diplomacy.

Trump, reportedly amused and a touch hungry, asked for a condition that the agreement be legally binding and also come with a guarantee that the other side stop using the word ‘trophy’ in every press briefing.

The Hamas official reportedly presented a draft document titled ‘Fairness, with Extra Fries,’ which allegedly includes sections on mutual recognition, a cease-fire, and a shared budget for snacks during negotiations.

Within the document, the conspicuous clause asks for ‘fairness’ to be defined by the length of line at the snack table and the absence of late-night memes about long-term settlements.

Foreign diplomats, not invited to this lunch-and-learn session, described the development as ‘interesting if not delicious’ and promised to analyze it after they finish their coffee.

White House aides attempted to pivot to standard talking points, asserting they would consider the proposal if it comes with serious security guarantees and a separate endorsement by a popular food-delivery app.

In global markets, the report traded like risky assets, with analysts downgrading optimism and upgrading skepticism as hummus stocks stabilized at a suspiciously stable flat-line.

Some factions accused the moment of being a breakthrough in ‘snack diplomacy,’ predicting treaties signed over shared platters and breadsticks that never end.

Opposition voices warned the effort could derail if the other side insists on a ‘permanent’ peace, which many interpreters say is just diplomacy-speak for ‘please stop telling dad jokes at the podium.’

The newsroom dubbed it ‘news you can nibble on,’ and editors hoped a bite-sized meme would capture the moment for the social feeds.

As talks progress, negotiators insist the ‘great deal’ will continue, provided the other side doesn’t veto snacks and agrees to a two-minute pause every time someone mentions ‘timeline.’

And until a solemn sign-off arrives, the world will watch the menu and wonder whether peace can be tasted or if it’s simply seasoned with optimism and pepper.