In a phone call that sounded more like a global group chat than a formal diplomacy session, Xi Jinping and Lula da Silva debated US protectionism with the gravity normally reserved for launching a new smartphone OS.

Diplomatic aides described the exchange as cautiously optimistic and oddly caffeinated, as if someone slipped a latte into the fiscal policy briefing.

Xi reportedly framed protectionism as a bug in the system that could be fixed with a software patch called ‘open markets,’ complete with a cheerful error message: ‘Tariffs not found.’

Lula offered a diplomatic nod and a smile that could power a small country, while translators swapped synonyms for ‘tariff’ like players in a spelling bee powered by espresso.

The conversation drifted from steel quotas to the more snackable topics of cassava and coffee, proving geopolitics can survive on caffeine and carbohydrates.

Analysts described the call as theater of seriousness—actors carefully explaining numbers while the slide deck wore more stickers than a child’s lunchbox.

Markets watched ticker tapes as if watching a suspense movie whose twist is: no one knows what really changed.

A senior official admitted the virtual handshake was less a historic policy move and more an update to a memo that everyone forgot to sign.

Social media quickly turned the call into a meme-fest, with captions joking that two world leaders can agree on one thing: they can both pronounce ‘open market’ with confidence.

When the call ended, both sides promised to continue the dialogue, a phrase diplomats love because it sounds productive without demanding a signature on a treaty.

Back home, economists adjusted forecasts the way gamers tweak difficulty levels: just a bit easier, with numbers that still look impressive on a PowerPoint.

The public message from the exchange was simple: exchanges about protectionism can be polite, hopeful, and conducted with translators who know when to wink.

Xi returned to Beijing with a mission to ‘open’ more markets, which apparently requires a committee meeting, a red pen, and several charts that look suspiciously like a scavenger hunt.

As markets brace for whatever comes next, the prevailing mood is that diplomacy is a sport best played with humor, restraint, and a very large coffee.

If nothing else, the call will probably be remembered as a masterclass in arguing that even tariff talk can be made agreeable with a good punchline and a well-timed emoji in a press release.